dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
