how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
