U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He passed out mid-signature
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
