I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
