im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
