Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Welp...herpes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
