fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
