Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize