did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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