New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
