FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
