That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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