Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
