I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
