saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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