he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
