Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
