Where did you get a picture of my penis
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
