i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
