she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
