if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize