I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
