Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
