pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
