i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
