DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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