I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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