JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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