Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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