Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
