I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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