Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
