I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
