my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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