The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
