After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
