I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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