I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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