The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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