I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
