I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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