I cannot find my penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
