Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
