which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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