she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So much rum. So many feels.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
