how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
