so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
