You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
