My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
