there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
