where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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