you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
