20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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