TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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