Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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