Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
