Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
