Cold hands, warm shart.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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