I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
