i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
