I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
