didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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