We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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