First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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