im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
