last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
