I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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