Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
