What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So squirting runs in the family.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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