Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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