I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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