i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
