Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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