I'm going to jail i love you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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