I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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