"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
