I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
