Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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