do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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