apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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