That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize