He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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