I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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